Ok, if any of you are also reading Major Beef's blog regularly, you'll see that he made mention of my hesitancy to "get fat" during this pregnancy. Just to clarify, that's certainly not the entire issue, though I certainly don't look forward to these upcoming middle months where people will be trying to figure out whether I'm pregnant or just enjoying all the holiday cooking a little too much. Babylust (see link on right side of page) did a good job describing some of the same emotions I've been having about this issue.
It's the idea of fully committing to the process and of the irrational fear that I'll be "jinxing" it somehow. Like I said, totally irrational. With the difficulties we've had previously (as I've mentioned, this is pregnancy #4), it's so amazing and surreal to me that I'm actually pregnant enough to be growing out of my clothes, and that my sister's talking to me about a baby shower. Those are things that "actual" pregnant people go through, and there's still part of me that's hesitant to really believe that I belong in that category.
I did wear an outfit yesterday that isn't even a maternity thing, just a loose-fitting outfit I wear occasionally to work, but because it's a similar style to a lot of maternity clothing (empire waist, for example) I was actually able to see the beginnings of a, um, curvier middle area than I used to have. And, for the first time, I was able to see the appeal in that, and think it actually looked kind of cute. And today I'm wearing a skirt that is also kind of stretchy (though I'm wearing sexy-ass boots with it) and I'm not completely repulsed by the changes my body's going through.
So, am I vain? Sure. But I'm also just a plain old scaredy cat, who's doing her best to be hopeful and excited even on the days that seem scary. And lemme tell you, just having a big belly doesn't always make me feel better. I'm getting there, everyone, just be patient with me. If you're a mom reading this and experienced the feeling of "This can't possibly be happening, I couldn't possibly be so lucky/blessed," I'd love to hear about it.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Monday, November 26, 2007
Everybody Knows...
Ok, it's official. We've tried to let everyone we care about in on our little secret, and how much fun it's been! Andy and I had a fantastic time visiting our families and sharing our good news with them. I made a dozen or more phone calls yesterday to let our closest friends know, and have posted bulletins on myspace and sent out e-mails to catch the ones we missed. Everyone's been so supportive and encouraging, thanks to all of you for that.
In other news (sort of), one of my work study's at work just found out she's pregnant, and is not so happy. She's a college student with plans that didn't previously include being someone's mother just yet, so she'll have a rough time getting her mind around this huge life change she's experiencing. Isn't it amazing how the same news that is thrilling and wonderful when you're happily married at 28 can be devastating when you're at a slightly different point in your life? She's a smart girl, and I know she'll get through it fine, I just hate that she has to.
So, I thought I was past the point of being sick, but I'm starting to think that I'm maybe not, not quite yet. I don't feel nauseous exactly, but seem to be having more days where nothing sounds good and I'm having to force myself to try to eat. I'm also still pretty tired, not as much as at the beginning, but enough to be annoyed by it. Andy and I got home from my parent's place around 8pm last night and decided to put up the Christmas tree and start decorating, and about an hour in (and after 7-8 trips up and down the stairs), I was DONE. Had to flop on the couch and let him rearrange the last of the furniture and fiddle with the lights one more time. Looks good now, but it seemed like a bigger task than usual.
I'll try to continue updating this as I have time and motivation, but please feel free to not read it if it gets too boring. I'm writing this primarily as a record for myself, and if the rest of you can get a kick out of it as well, that's just icing:). Regardless, Andy and I very much appreciate all the love and well wishes we've received. It's enough to have a spouse as wonderful as mine, but having friends and family like we do makes us extra blessed.
In other news (sort of), one of my work study's at work just found out she's pregnant, and is not so happy. She's a college student with plans that didn't previously include being someone's mother just yet, so she'll have a rough time getting her mind around this huge life change she's experiencing. Isn't it amazing how the same news that is thrilling and wonderful when you're happily married at 28 can be devastating when you're at a slightly different point in your life? She's a smart girl, and I know she'll get through it fine, I just hate that she has to.
So, I thought I was past the point of being sick, but I'm starting to think that I'm maybe not, not quite yet. I don't feel nauseous exactly, but seem to be having more days where nothing sounds good and I'm having to force myself to try to eat. I'm also still pretty tired, not as much as at the beginning, but enough to be annoyed by it. Andy and I got home from my parent's place around 8pm last night and decided to put up the Christmas tree and start decorating, and about an hour in (and after 7-8 trips up and down the stairs), I was DONE. Had to flop on the couch and let him rearrange the last of the furniture and fiddle with the lights one more time. Looks good now, but it seemed like a bigger task than usual.
I'll try to continue updating this as I have time and motivation, but please feel free to not read it if it gets too boring. I'm writing this primarily as a record for myself, and if the rest of you can get a kick out of it as well, that's just icing:). Regardless, Andy and I very much appreciate all the love and well wishes we've received. It's enough to have a spouse as wonderful as mine, but having friends and family like we do makes us extra blessed.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Guest Blog - Andy
It’s about time!
Jessica and I have been looking forward to this week since we first found out we were pregnant. I have been ‘fairly’ good about not telling TOO many people. Haha. I did tell my friends Mike and Steve pretty early on. I needed some ‘man’ support, and they have been great and keeping me laughing daily! They have been very helpful in keeping me sane and from going ape-shit crazy!
It is good that we are spilling the beans this week because I honestly cannot contain myself any longer. ESPECIALLY after Monday’s Dr. visit when we saw Angus MOVING around flailing his little legs, arms, and big melon of a head. Seeing that really galvanized my confidence that this time it is going to stick! The little dude was doing leg kicks and stretching out his arms… AMAZING. I guess the fact that we are going to have a baby is still sinking in. I nearly passed the fuck out!
Boy? Girl? It doesn’t matter. I do tend to refer to the baby as “Angus”, so ‘it’ has taken on a male persona, but that doesn’t mean I hope for or think it is a boy. It is just my way of bonding I guess.
Jessica and I certainly have a lot to be thankful for this Thanksgiving. We are blessed with a wonderful family and friends. We have created a GREAT life together and we cannot wait to share it with our little melon headed baby!
~Andy
Jessica and I have been looking forward to this week since we first found out we were pregnant. I have been ‘fairly’ good about not telling TOO many people. Haha. I did tell my friends Mike and Steve pretty early on. I needed some ‘man’ support, and they have been great and keeping me laughing daily! They have been very helpful in keeping me sane and from going ape-shit crazy!
It is good that we are spilling the beans this week because I honestly cannot contain myself any longer. ESPECIALLY after Monday’s Dr. visit when we saw Angus MOVING around flailing his little legs, arms, and big melon of a head. Seeing that really galvanized my confidence that this time it is going to stick! The little dude was doing leg kicks and stretching out his arms… AMAZING. I guess the fact that we are going to have a baby is still sinking in. I nearly passed the fuck out!
Boy? Girl? It doesn’t matter. I do tend to refer to the baby as “Angus”, so ‘it’ has taken on a male persona, but that doesn’t mean I hope for or think it is a boy. It is just my way of bonding I guess.
Jessica and I certainly have a lot to be thankful for this Thanksgiving. We are blessed with a wonderful family and friends. We have created a GREAT life together and we cannot wait to share it with our little melon headed baby!
~Andy
Ahh...
It's so nice to be able to start just relaxing and enjoying this amazing experience of being pregnant. I told everyone at the office yesterday, and they've all been extremely supportive and are happy for Andy and I. They've witnessed the last 2 unsuccessful pregnancies and witnessed me going through the scary surgeries and covered my caseload while I've been off, so I love that I get to celebrate this more joyous occasion with my work family.
It's a slow morning here, this day before Thanksgiving, with many people off work and the rest of us wishing we were. At least we get off at noon today, leaving me with plenty of time to get some errands done before we head to Andy's parent's place.
Yeah, this is going to be a great weekend...
It's a slow morning here, this day before Thanksgiving, with many people off work and the rest of us wishing we were. At least we get off at noon today, leaving me with plenty of time to get some errands done before we head to Andy's parent's place.
Yeah, this is going to be a great weekend...
Monday, November 19, 2007
It's a Go!!!
I had my doctor's appointment today (with the actual doctor, not the N.P.), and all is well!!! I swear, they're treating me the way I assume they treat "normal" pregnant people, and I love it!!! (Um, expect to see a lot of exclamation points in this post. Sorry.) She had a little trouble finding a heartbeat on the first machine she tried, but then brought in a cool one with a little screen, and not only was she able to see the heart beating, we were able to see little legs and arms moving around. She pushed down a little harder on my belly, and it actually made the kid jump! It's like there's an actual person inside there, unreal...
We asked all of our questions about things I can and can't have (oysters=no, occasional lunchmeat and herbal tea=yes), and I got a chance to thank her (for the bilionth time) for saving my one tube, making it possible for me to get pregnant in the first place. She kicks ass, that's all there is to it. She said I should feel free to tell everyone I want to, and that there are no problems whatsoever. She said I'm on my way to a normal vaginal birth, and I just couldn't be more thrilled!!!
Well, I'm going to end this post because I can't say anything except how happy Andy and I are, and how blessed we feel to finally get to be doing what we've spent the last several years preparing for. Yippee!!!!!
We asked all of our questions about things I can and can't have (oysters=no, occasional lunchmeat and herbal tea=yes), and I got a chance to thank her (for the bilionth time) for saving my one tube, making it possible for me to get pregnant in the first place. She kicks ass, that's all there is to it. She said I should feel free to tell everyone I want to, and that there are no problems whatsoever. She said I'm on my way to a normal vaginal birth, and I just couldn't be more thrilled!!!
Well, I'm going to end this post because I can't say anything except how happy Andy and I are, and how blessed we feel to finally get to be doing what we've spent the last several years preparing for. Yippee!!!!!
Friday, November 16, 2007
11 weeks down, 29 to go
Well, we've made it through another long week, me and my fetus. Yes, it's official, as of yesterday he/she became a fetus instead of an embryo. I've never had a fetus before! Pretty exciting stuff.
This has been a tough week since I've spent most of it struggling with the same cold I wrote about last time. I actually missed work on Tuesday, which is pretty unlike me. I call in sick maybe once a year, except for those yearly surgeries I've had (see early posts) that have led to more lengthy work absences. I'm still pretty early on in my career, and feel the pressure to be an all-star in the office. Come to think of it, that may be exactly why this cold hit me so hard; I've been going non-stop, and with this precious parasite sucking away valuable energy, it's no wonder my immune system is shot!
As usual, this is an excellent time to brag on my Andy, who came home from work on Monday with a humidifier, Vicks Vapo Rub, saline nose spray, cough drops, and a willingness to take care of me. I've spent the last few nights in the "sick suite," aka spare bedroom, so my coughing doesn't keep us both awake, but I look forward to rejoining him in our room in the near future.
I've also had some mild pain in my abdominal area, which always makes me nervous, but the nurse practitioner told us that I may have pain that feels like menstrual cramps at times, and as long as the pain's not severe and I'm not seeing blood, I refuse to panic. I'll see the doctor again on Monday for a regular check-up, so hopefully she'll have plenty of reassuring things to say.
We're both so excited for that appointment, and the trips next week to visit our familes for Thanksgiving! I'm ready to tell everyone our good news and start celebrating and planning for the next few crazy months. I'm also ready to tell my work what's going on, as I become more self-conscious every day of my ever-increasing baby bump. It's probably not noticeable to anyone else, but it certainly will be soon!
Most of this weekend will be spent relaxing at home, though we'll try to make it to an Aces game tomorrow. Keep sending us your positive thoughts, and by this time next week, there will be a lot more people "in the know" who can do the same.
This has been a tough week since I've spent most of it struggling with the same cold I wrote about last time. I actually missed work on Tuesday, which is pretty unlike me. I call in sick maybe once a year, except for those yearly surgeries I've had (see early posts) that have led to more lengthy work absences. I'm still pretty early on in my career, and feel the pressure to be an all-star in the office. Come to think of it, that may be exactly why this cold hit me so hard; I've been going non-stop, and with this precious parasite sucking away valuable energy, it's no wonder my immune system is shot!
As usual, this is an excellent time to brag on my Andy, who came home from work on Monday with a humidifier, Vicks Vapo Rub, saline nose spray, cough drops, and a willingness to take care of me. I've spent the last few nights in the "sick suite," aka spare bedroom, so my coughing doesn't keep us both awake, but I look forward to rejoining him in our room in the near future.
I've also had some mild pain in my abdominal area, which always makes me nervous, but the nurse practitioner told us that I may have pain that feels like menstrual cramps at times, and as long as the pain's not severe and I'm not seeing blood, I refuse to panic. I'll see the doctor again on Monday for a regular check-up, so hopefully she'll have plenty of reassuring things to say.
We're both so excited for that appointment, and the trips next week to visit our familes for Thanksgiving! I'm ready to tell everyone our good news and start celebrating and planning for the next few crazy months. I'm also ready to tell my work what's going on, as I become more self-conscious every day of my ever-increasing baby bump. It's probably not noticeable to anyone else, but it certainly will be soon!
Most of this weekend will be spent relaxing at home, though we'll try to make it to an Aces game tomorrow. Keep sending us your positive thoughts, and by this time next week, there will be a lot more people "in the know" who can do the same.
Friday, November 9, 2007
10 weeks
So, I've reached the end (or the beginning) of another week, and though things are still going just fine with the pregnancy, I've felt rotten this week. I've got a pretty nasty cough right now along with some other unpleasant cold symptoms, and am hesitant to take anything that could help. Called my doctor's office today, and the nurse assured me that cough drops, robitussin, sudafed, and benadryl are all just fine, but when it's my baby and my body, Andy and I are both still a little nervous. I had a pretty lousy morning, with the coughing, the vomiting, and the general feeling of ickiness, but hopefully it'll get better soon.
On top of feeling so crappy, I'm sitting on my couch while a plumber makes all kinds of noises in an attempt to replace our shower faucet and main shutoff valve, along with the piping between the two. I took off work today since I've been working so many extra hours, but as you can tell, my day off hasn't been much fun so far. Assuming he gets done at a reasonable hour, I'll also be getting the tires on the truck replaced this afternoon. We have a fun event tonight to attend, again, assuming I get to feeling well enough to leave the house.
Yay, I'm at 10 weeks. Maybe I'll have something more pleasant to write about next time.
On top of feeling so crappy, I'm sitting on my couch while a plumber makes all kinds of noises in an attempt to replace our shower faucet and main shutoff valve, along with the piping between the two. I took off work today since I've been working so many extra hours, but as you can tell, my day off hasn't been much fun so far. Assuming he gets done at a reasonable hour, I'll also be getting the tires on the truck replaced this afternoon. We have a fun event tonight to attend, again, assuming I get to feeling well enough to leave the house.
Yay, I'm at 10 weeks. Maybe I'll have something more pleasant to write about next time.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Fear
When thinking of what to write about today, Andy suggested I do a "Dear Angus," letter, saying whatever I'd want to say to this tiny person growing inside of me. The truth is that I'm not ready to. I'm still so afraid that it won't last, that something could be wrong, though I've got no reason to think so. I'm afraid to start buying things, either for baby or for me. Andy's been trying to encourage me to go ahead and buy some maternity clothing for work, since there are already several pairs of my pants that I've given up on, and the ones that fit me now probably won't in another few weeks, but I'm just not ready. I agreed to buy a couple of sleep shirts with built-in bras, since sleeping without one at this point is just not an option. My boobs are so damn big and sore, they ache all the time.
As excited as I am to tell people our news, I'm also sort of wishing we could put it off as long as possible because I don't want to do anything to jinx this pregnancy. Believe me, I know how silly and illogical that sounds, but things are going so well, and I want them to keep going well, and don't know how to guarantee that.
So, the idea of talking directly to this small, small life we've created, and telling him/her how loved he/she is, and how excited we are for his/her arrival, is just too terrifying at this point. Will I be past these silly fears at 12 weeks? At 18? At birth? I have no idea. And I know that preparing for the worst does nothing but make this time more stressful, but I'm just not yet able to be entirely hopeful, either. I'll admit it, I'm attached. Already, I do have visions of all kinds of times with Baby, laying on the couch, walking in a park, visiting Grandma and Grandpa, and Aunt Manda. All of those pregnancy websites that say, "Your baby can now suck his/her thumb," don't really help in my attempts to not get attached too quickly, that's for sure.
I guess this is why they give me 9 months, huh? Time to get used to the idea of being pregnant, being a parent, and hopefully, to start being less afraid and more confident in the abilities of my body to grow a person, and in my ability to raise one.
As excited as I am to tell people our news, I'm also sort of wishing we could put it off as long as possible because I don't want to do anything to jinx this pregnancy. Believe me, I know how silly and illogical that sounds, but things are going so well, and I want them to keep going well, and don't know how to guarantee that.
So, the idea of talking directly to this small, small life we've created, and telling him/her how loved he/she is, and how excited we are for his/her arrival, is just too terrifying at this point. Will I be past these silly fears at 12 weeks? At 18? At birth? I have no idea. And I know that preparing for the worst does nothing but make this time more stressful, but I'm just not yet able to be entirely hopeful, either. I'll admit it, I'm attached. Already, I do have visions of all kinds of times with Baby, laying on the couch, walking in a park, visiting Grandma and Grandpa, and Aunt Manda. All of those pregnancy websites that say, "Your baby can now suck his/her thumb," don't really help in my attempts to not get attached too quickly, that's for sure.
I guess this is why they give me 9 months, huh? Time to get used to the idea of being pregnant, being a parent, and hopefully, to start being less afraid and more confident in the abilities of my body to grow a person, and in my ability to raise one.
Monday, November 5, 2007
Guest Blog - Andy
Okay… I have been SWORN to secrecy by Jessica I am not able to post anything on my blog about the pregnancy just yet…. I am literally about to explode from not being able to talk about it! I have not posted on my blog in over a week for that very reason – I haven’t had much talk about OTHER THAN JESSICA BEING PREGNANT!
I am under strict orders to not tell any family or friends yet… other than the two friends I had permission to tell (sorta), Mike and Steve.
I understand why we are not telling folks yet, but DAMN it is hard. We spent a good part of the day yesterday with my family and all of my parents and, brothers, and young nephews and nieces were there. I wanted to fill everyone one in on the good news!
As much as I wanted to tell everyone yesterday, it will be better to tell everyone over the Thanksgiving holiday weekend. My niece and God-daughter Riley will be baptized on Thanksgiving Day, with a meal following at my parents place. We plan to tell them then before/during/after. The following morning (Friday) we’ll venture up to Rochester to visit Jessica’s folks, and fill them in on our secret as well.
I like this plan and am looking forward to telling them then. She’ll be 12 weeks in, through the first trimester, and will have been to the Dr. a few days before. This is definitely the time to do it.
Okay, maybe tomorrow or sometime soon I’ll put some more thoughts together about the prospects of being a father. Much love and thanks to those who “know the secret” and swing by this blog to check in on us. WE LOVE YOU GUYS!
~Andy
I am under strict orders to not tell any family or friends yet… other than the two friends I had permission to tell (sorta), Mike and Steve.
I understand why we are not telling folks yet, but DAMN it is hard. We spent a good part of the day yesterday with my family and all of my parents and, brothers, and young nephews and nieces were there. I wanted to fill everyone one in on the good news!
As much as I wanted to tell everyone yesterday, it will be better to tell everyone over the Thanksgiving holiday weekend. My niece and God-daughter Riley will be baptized on Thanksgiving Day, with a meal following at my parents place. We plan to tell them then before/during/after. The following morning (Friday) we’ll venture up to Rochester to visit Jessica’s folks, and fill them in on our secret as well.
I like this plan and am looking forward to telling them then. She’ll be 12 weeks in, through the first trimester, and will have been to the Dr. a few days before. This is definitely the time to do it.
Okay, maybe tomorrow or sometime soon I’ll put some more thoughts together about the prospects of being a father. Much love and thanks to those who “know the secret” and swing by this blog to check in on us. WE LOVE YOU GUYS!
~Andy
Friday, November 2, 2007
Number 9...Number 9...Number 9...
The title comes from a goofy song my dad used to play when I was a kid. So, today I'm officially 9 weeks pregnant, and still no sign of problems. Phew. 2 1/2 weeks til my next appointment, 3 weeks til we plan to share our good news with our familes, then with everyone else, and I couldn't be more pleased. Work continues to be a busy distraction, and I feel like the week went pretty quickly, but not fast enough. Probably shouldn't be wishing away this joyous time of my life, but given my history, I just really want to get thru the first trimester. I promise I'll slow down and start enjoying it after I hit that point.
Andy and I have a lot planned for the weekend, including taking care of our long overdue plumbing issues in the bathroom. Can't wait to buy a new faucet! Wow, when the hell did I get so old? We also have two different parties with friends to go to tomorrow night, and like usual, it'll be a challenge to not share our news with some of the people closest to us, but we'll do our best. Sunday we'll be with friends too, should be fun.
Ok, then. 9 weeks down, 31 to go. I'm starting to think this may actually happen. I might actually get to be someone's parent. And when that happens, I'll have a whole new set of things to worry and get excited about:).
Andy and I have a lot planned for the weekend, including taking care of our long overdue plumbing issues in the bathroom. Can't wait to buy a new faucet! Wow, when the hell did I get so old? We also have two different parties with friends to go to tomorrow night, and like usual, it'll be a challenge to not share our news with some of the people closest to us, but we'll do our best. Sunday we'll be with friends too, should be fun.
Ok, then. 9 weeks down, 31 to go. I'm starting to think this may actually happen. I might actually get to be someone's parent. And when that happens, I'll have a whole new set of things to worry and get excited about:).
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