Ok, if any of you are also reading Major Beef's blog regularly, you'll see that he made mention of my hesitancy to "get fat" during this pregnancy. Just to clarify, that's certainly not the entire issue, though I certainly don't look forward to these upcoming middle months where people will be trying to figure out whether I'm pregnant or just enjoying all the holiday cooking a little too much. Babylust (see link on right side of page) did a good job describing some of the same emotions I've been having about this issue.
It's the idea of fully committing to the process and of the irrational fear that I'll be "jinxing" it somehow. Like I said, totally irrational. With the difficulties we've had previously (as I've mentioned, this is pregnancy #4), it's so amazing and surreal to me that I'm actually pregnant enough to be growing out of my clothes, and that my sister's talking to me about a baby shower. Those are things that "actual" pregnant people go through, and there's still part of me that's hesitant to really believe that I belong in that category.
I did wear an outfit yesterday that isn't even a maternity thing, just a loose-fitting outfit I wear occasionally to work, but because it's a similar style to a lot of maternity clothing (empire waist, for example) I was actually able to see the beginnings of a, um, curvier middle area than I used to have. And, for the first time, I was able to see the appeal in that, and think it actually looked kind of cute. And today I'm wearing a skirt that is also kind of stretchy (though I'm wearing sexy-ass boots with it) and I'm not completely repulsed by the changes my body's going through.
So, am I vain? Sure. But I'm also just a plain old scaredy cat, who's doing her best to be hopeful and excited even on the days that seem scary. And lemme tell you, just having a big belly doesn't always make me feel better. I'm getting there, everyone, just be patient with me. If you're a mom reading this and experienced the feeling of "This can't possibly be happening, I couldn't possibly be so lucky/blessed," I'd love to hear about it.
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If this were a hundred years ago, you (and I) probably would not have gone through these kinds of feelings about our bellies and gaining weight and all that.
Back then, a married woman becoming pregnant was to be celebrated and nobody would have thought anything about her body changing except how wonderful it was that she was bringing new life into this world.
But today there is so much pressure to look beautiful, thin and youthful; much more than ever before. Especially for women.
My best friend is going down the route of having plastic surgery and there is absolutely nothing wrong with her at all. She's had three children and looks marvelous; she can even wear a bikini and she's 41! But yesterday she was bitching to me about a little loose skin around her waist and she's thinking about having it taken off surgically since her new best friend, her cosmetic surgery doctor she's been getting fake boobs from and botox done and laser treatments done said it isn't fat so he can't lipo it. The only alternative is to cut it off.
The only problem is, I cannot even SEE this loose skin. I'm not kidding, I see skin but it's just SKIN! It's not flabby it's not loose; I don't know why the hell she's getting all this stuff done to her except she's trying to attain this stupid image our society has put up as the "ideal" woman.
So, it's not you; it's our society's obsession with perfection. And it's mostly Americans who go through this; *most* other cultures/countries do not have this obsession we do and their women get to relax more about their looks.
But when we get pregnant, we no longer fit what has been sadly determined to be the "ultimate" in beauty for women right now. Thin, zero body fat and actually, rather masculine looking. And men are not off the hook either; more and more the "ideal" man is hairless, smooth and rather feminine looking to my eyes. It is a very plastic look that is "in" right now and to my eyes, it's extremely ugly.
This is why I think we have such fears when we get pregnant. The pressure from the media is immense on this issue.
To counteract this, take pride in your body changing. Remind yourself that you are doing something that is far more beautiful and important than probably anything else you will ever do. Your body is so amazing to be able to do something like this. It's primal, it's beautiful and your husband loves you for it. He can't do this; no man can. Only we can.
Celebrate your body and shut off those negative voices inside your head about it. Enjoy the belly growth, enjoy the whole thing! Don't let what is a terrible sickness in our society at this time spoil your god-given pleasure in carrying your baby. :) And congratulations (again!) :)
Oh, I defintally know where you're coming from. You look at your belly and almost wonder if you're imagining it. Mentally you know it's real, and mentally you're excited, but it's like part of you missed the reality train, and has a hard time processing it.
Just wait until you actually have the baby! You will be so overwhelmed with so many emotions(similiar to a wedding day, how it's almost too much to absorb) and you will look at your baby, and just feel Love. Pure 100% love! Then you will look at your stomach, and think did THAT, seriously come from THERE???? It's mind boggling! And then for me, I'm sure everyone dosen't do this. But maybe it's from all the baby switching stories. I then mixed feeling of love and frantic as I tried to memorize her face, before the nurses took her. Because when you've never really delt with newborns, they all look the exact same! And I wondered how in the world am I going to tell her apart! Anyways, I'm rambling. Congratulations again!
Jennifer W.
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